♪ It's hard for me too - [Man] Perfect.

- Okay, I'll be honest.

My levels change a good amount throughout this song.

These songs are super soft.

♪ 'Cause I want you to be happy ♪ ♪ But the truth is I want to be happy too ♪ ♪ And this is hard ♪ Let me wrap this up by saying ♪ ♪ I know I'll be all right ♪ Maybe one more song about you ♪ ♪ Let me sleep tonight - I'm Brandon Word and this is my "Sound On Tap".

(gentle music) ♪ If I'm honest ♪ I'm not handling this as well as I let on ♪ ♪ 'Cause when you told me ♪ You needed to do this by yourself I acted strong ♪ ♪ 'Cause I didn't want to make you bear my cross ♪ ♪ It seemed like you had your hands full ♪ ♪ No, I didn't want to let you see me hurt ♪ ♪ You had enough to handle ♪ So I put on for you ♪ A guy who was moving on ♪ Don't look, don't look ♪ You shouldn't see me like this ♪ ♪ I know it's hard ♪ It's hard for me too ♪ This isn't how I want you to remember me ♪ ♪ So don't look, don't look ♪ 'Cause I think I'm slipping ♪ I don't blame you ♪ For wanting to find yourself some peace ♪ ♪ I think it's good ♪ So please don't blame me ♪ For being sad even though I said I understood ♪ ♪ I sat on these words for a while ♪ ♪ Afraid of how they'd sound if they found you ♪ ♪ 'Cause I want you to be happy ♪ ♪ But the truth is I want to be happy too ♪ ♪ And this is hard to say ♪ But I am not okay ♪ No ♪ Don't look, don't look ♪ You shouldn't see me like this ♪ ♪ I know it's hard ♪ It's hard for me too ♪ This isn't how I want you to remember me ♪ ♪ So don't look, don't look ♪ 'Cause I think I'm slipping down again ♪ ♪ Every time I think of you it's like I'm chasing my tail ♪ ♪ When I text you out of the blue ♪ ♪ I got an addiction to attention ♪ ♪ This whole thing is deja vu ♪ And I hate the fact that ♪ This self sabotage is nothing new ♪ ♪ Nooh ♪ And I'll be fine someday ♪ But I'm a pretty long way from okay ♪ ♪ Don't look, don't look ♪ You shouldn't see me like this ♪ ♪ I know it's hard ♪ It's hard for me too ♪ This isn't how I want you to remember me ♪ ♪ So don't look, don't look ♪ 'Cause I think I'm slipping ♪ Don't look, don't look ♪ 'Cause I think I'm slipping That was a sad song about getting broken up with back at the end of 2019.

Soon after, I started seeing somebody else and it was really, really good and then the world ended in March so we found ourselves in a new fun relationship with the barrier of COVID quarantine between us so I wrote this song about missing my girl during quarantine.

(gentle music) ♪ This won't be easy ♪ We knew that from the start ♪ But I didn't think it would be this hard ♪ ♪ The world's still out there ♪ The grass is green, the sky's still blue ♪ ♪ But to me it's all gray without you ♪ ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ I should be grateful ♪ To spend some time at home ♪ But it's not the same when you live alone ♪ ♪ Things are bad now ♪ But not the worst we've seen ♪ 'Cause we'll outlive this quarantine ♪ ♪ Feels like I've been here at least 100 years ♪ ♪ The only thing keeping me alive ♪ ♪ Is the thought that after all is said and done ♪ ♪ I'll see you on the other side ♪ ♪ I guess I'm lucky to have what I have ♪ ♪ These things that make it not so bad ♪ ♪ My phone, my TV, my fridge full of food ♪ ♪ I'd give it all up to have you ♪ ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ It's good to see you ♪ Even if it's on my phone ♪ You make me feel like I'm not alone ♪ ♪ So I'll watch Netflix while you play your scary games ♪ ♪ And we'll keep nurturing our flame ♪ ♪ Feels like I've been here at least 100 years ♪ ♪ The only thing keeping me alive ♪ ♪ Is the thought that after all is said and done ♪ ♪ I'll see you on the other side ♪ ♪ Take my light, take my heat, take my bed ♪ ♪ Take my water while you're here ♪ ♪ Come take everything just leave my girl instead ♪ ♪ And I could do this for 1,000 years ♪ ♪ Things are bad now but not the worst we've seen ♪ ♪ So we'll outlive this quarantine ♪ A friend of mine in high school brought his electric guitar and he played some lick.

I don't even remember what it is anymore.

But I was into it, so I bought one of his old guitars for about 20 bucks and I started plugging away at power cords and joined this terrible, terrible little punk band and for a long time we were really bad, but then we broke up.

So I picked up an acoustic guitar and started writing songs that way and I realized that they came more easily and meant more when I held an acoustic guitar as opposed to when I held an electric guitar.

Then I went to college, studied music, got real lessons.

Once I figured out how to make the guitar work for me a little bit better, songwriting became more fun and the words sort of had to rise up to match the little more complex music that I was making.

I went to a college with a really good music program where I thought that I was gonna be the real big fish there but I have found out that you could throw a chair and hit 20 people who were way better than I was.

So part of it was an exterior pressure to be as good as other people.

So guitar lessons were the first thing that I really started zeroing in on.

I wanted to get better.

And then I found that it wasn't so much of a challenge to get the words and the singing to be better.

They sort of progressed as if they'd been waiting for the guitar to get better so that we could write better songs together.

Things were bad.

They got better which resulted in much more upbeat love songs.

It's a very, very good love song but it's a sad love song.

So this happier one is just called "Rome".

(gentle music) ♪ I've been thinking a lot about Rome ♪ ♪ How it wasn't built in a day ♪ And there's a lifetime in every stone ♪ ♪ Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about Rome ♪ ♪ Kinda makes me think about you ♪ ♪ And how we really took our time ♪ ♪ Took an extra month or two ♪ But I didn't ever stop thinking about you ♪ ♪ So while my mind is young and strong ♪ ♪ Till my thinking days are gone ♪ ♪ I'll spend every one of my thoughts on you ♪ ♪ I've been thinking a lot about Rome ♪ ♪ And how all roads lead you there ♪ ♪ And how it always calls you home ♪ ♪ Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about Rome ♪ ♪ Makes me think about you and me ♪ ♪ And how we had our twists and turns ♪ ♪ We did our own things separately ♪ ♪ But you were always where I wanted to be ♪ ♪ So while my feet are young and strong ♪ ♪ Until my walking days are gone ♪ ♪ I'll take everyone of my steps towards you ♪ ♪ So while my mind is young and strong ♪ ♪ Till my thinking days are gone ♪ ♪ I'll spend every one of my thoughts on you ♪ ♪ And while my mouth still lets me speak ♪ ♪ Until my tongue is old and weak ♪ ♪ I'll give everyone of my words to you ♪ So, as good and fun as things were, they did come to an end and, boy, that was rough, but someone said something like, "Bad love makes for great music," so at least this next really good, really sad song came out of it.

(gentle music) ♪ Was I naive to think all I needed was love ♪ ♪ I gave you all I had but it wasn't enough ♪ ♪ Now I can't help but wonder what you do ♪ ♪ With all the love I gave to you ♪ ♪ I tried my best to speak your love language ♪ ♪ Gave you my words, my time ♪ I was at your service ♪ I gave you gifts so you could see in plain view ♪ ♪ All the love I gave to you ♪ It's all yours do what you want with it ♪ ♪ It's not undeserved ♪ You earned every little bit ♪ So keep it, toss it, give it away ♪ ♪ To someone you love too ♪ All the love I gave to you ♪ I've heard love called a lot of things ♪ ♪ Patient, kind, and selfless ♪ I tried to be all of these ♪ I pray I left no room to misconstrue ♪ ♪ All the love I gave to you ♪ And when things were hard, I loved you even more ♪ ♪ I tried to hold you tighter than before ♪ ♪ So don't go thinking that I'm looking to undo ♪ ♪ All the love I gave to you ♪ It's all yours, do what you want with it ♪ ♪ It's not undeserved ♪ You earned every little bit ♪ So keep it, toss it, give it away ♪ ♪ To someone you love too ♪ All the love I gave to you ♪ The love I gave to you, it has no strings ♪ ♪ There is no debt to pay ♪ You don't owe me anything ♪ It's okay to say you just outgrew ♪ ♪ All the love I gave to you So things were rough.

They got better.

They're better now, but there was a significant amount of time between then and now.

During that time, I wrote this song.

It's when you've been with someone for even, I don't know, a minimum of six months where you've just seen each other all the time, it gets weird to live life without them.

You sort of carry the weight of their influence, you think about, what would they think of me doing this or that?

Little things like what restaurant you decide to eat at.

Would they have liked this?

So this is about that feeling.

(gentle music) ♪ Let me start this off by saying ♪ ♪ I know it's not your fault ♪ You're not responsible ♪ For the version of you that lives in my thoughts ♪ ♪ But you know it's just like me to pull my hair out ♪ ♪ Over things I can't control ♪ Till it's eating me alive ♪ So I carry your ghost every single day ♪ ♪ In everything I do and every single word I say ♪ ♪ Trying to move on but you just won't let me go ♪ ♪ So I carry your ghost ♪ I tried angry, I tried bitter ♪ ♪ I tried to tear you down ♪ And I had ugly thoughts about you ♪ ♪ But they never made a sound ♪ 'Cause you know it's just like me to suffer quietly ♪ ♪ Until something drives me insane ♪ ♪ So I carry your ghost every single day ♪ ♪ In everything I do and every single word I say ♪ ♪ Trying to move on but you just won't let me go ♪ ♪ So I carry your ghost with me ♪ ♪ I carry your ghost with me ♪ Lately there are times when it's more than I can bear ♪ ♪ That the weight you left behind is one that I can't wear ♪ ♪ And after all this time it feels like you're still there ♪ ♪ It feels like you're still there ♪ ♪ Let me wrap this up by saying ♪ ♪ I know I'll be all right ♪ Maybe one more song about you will let me sleep tonight ♪ It's interesting because when you write a song for someone, you inherently think about that person when you play the song but you're not always sucked back into the feeling that you were in when you wrote the song.

Eventually you just have a good song and you think about the person but you're not trapped in the feelings that you have now for that person or, you know, if it's a love song and you broke up, after you broke up.

I have songs that I wrote for someone 10 years ago that, at this point, it's just a good song.

In my brain, the connection is obviously there but it's not like I play it and I'm sad because, oh, this girl and I broke up a decade ago.

I find that love songs and sad songs come easiest to me.

Normally it is related specifically to being in love or to being sad.

Sometimes you just write a good song because it's a good song that wants to be written, but more often than not for me it is feelings that need to come out of me and the best way that I know how to do it is to write a song.

So most of my songs are love songs or sad songs.

It's therapy for me to get it out of here and onto a page.

Things are on the upswing.

I'll wrap all this up with one more song.

This is the most recent song I've written.

It's a love song without a muse and I think that's a step up from sad songs about a specific girl.

(gentle music) ♪ I thought you were a mirage at first ♪ ♪ An oasis in the distance as I wandered the earth ♪ ♪ I ran toward you in my thirst ♪ ♪ And drank you in ♪ I felt your breath wash over me ♪ ♪ I watched you dance in fields ♪ ♪ While my heart kept your beat ♪ ♪ You had Delilahs at your feet ♪ ♪ As I gave in and drank you in ♪ ♪ So if your lips are an ocean, let me drown ♪ ♪ If your hands are waves ♪ Come pull me down, down, down ♪ ♪ I'm going under, I'm going under ♪ ♪ Going under, I'm going under ♪ Going under, I'm going under with you ♪ ♪ You poured your song into my ear ♪ ♪ Your melody like honey dripping through the atmosphere ♪ ♪ And my defenses disappear as I gave in ♪ ♪ And drank you in ♪ So if your lips are an ocean, let me drown ♪ ♪ If your hands are waves ♪ Come pull me down, down, down, down ♪ ♪ If your voice is a current, let it spin me right around ♪ ♪ I'm going under, I'm going under ♪ ♪ Going under, I'm going under ♪ Going under, I'm going under with you ♪ ♪ As I give in ♪ And drink you in ♪ All I have is time to give ♪ And you can have it all ♪ You can have it all ♪ You can have it all ♪ So if your lips are an ocean, let me drown ♪ ♪ If your hands are waves ♪ Come pull me down, down, down, down ♪ ♪ If your voice is a current, let it spin me right around ♪ ♪ I'm going under, I'm going under ♪ ♪ Going under, I'm going under ♪ Going under, I'm going under with you ♪ ♪ With you ♪ The love I gave to you, it has no strings ♪ ♪ There is no debt to pay ♪ You don't owe me anything ♪ It's okay to say you just outgrew ♪ ♪ All the love I gave to you (gentle music)