(gentle music) - People thought I was a monster.

I was born addicted to heroin.

When I was only three that I was sexually assaulted.

- I'm being bullied for my autism at school.

I was being bullied for it.

They would say I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm a nerd, I'm a dork.

I wrote a goodbye note when I was seven years old.

- The first time the suicide idea popped into my head was in middle school.

Being isolated definitely led to a lot of depression and it just made me very anxious to be different.

I heard the whispers behind me.

It was hard to walk down the hallways alone.

I did it all day every day.

- I think a lot of trans students especially suffer from so much mental health because it's not always an open place in schools to be who you are.

It adds another layer of difficulty if you're kind of going through something that not a lot of people understand.

I'm TJ Esser, and as a transgender person I've experienced anxiety because society has tried to make me someone I'm not.

- I'm Reyna Saldana and I've experienced depression, bipolar disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

- My name is Alex Hart Upenda and I dealt with bullying.

- My name is Barrett Poetker.

I live with depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder - We're here-- - To tell you-- - That you're not-- - Alone.

(gentle music) - When I kind of hit puberty, it was a change in mindset.

When it was time to dress up and kind of appear as very feminine, it just kind of hit me hard and caused a lot of fights with my mom.

Most people feel uncomfortable during puberty, but not to the extent that I did.

Before I started transitioning, I think I kind of just stumbled upon videos of YouTubers who were making content on being trans and they described what they were feeling and it really resonated with me.

I transitioned in between eighth grade and freshman year.

I think I've kind of continuously had anxiety and during that period of time it was just escalated a little bit because I was coming home to just a little bit of tension.

Transgender students are more likely to report feeling depressed, being made fun of, or feeling unsafe at school.

- Research shows 50 to 70% of youth in the justice system have diagnosable mental health conditions.

I was living with my grandma for most of my childhood.

My mom kind of was there but not really.

She struggled with a lot of substance abuse and depression herself.

Eventually I had gone to the park when we were playing and I'd asked a random family if they were my family.

And my grandma, that hurt my grandma a lot.

So she decided that she wanted me to have a family and so she put me up for adoption.

When I was seven, I was admitted to a mental hospital.

I lived in about 32 different placements until 18.

I never got to do sleepovers, I never made friends, I never got to go on outings, I never got to jump on a trampoline.

And I had these outbursts and I hurt people.

And I didn't mean to hurt people.

And so it hurt that people were scared of me.

(dramatic music) My first time going to Copper Lake, youth prison, at first I think for me it was thinking putting the pieces together that this was my next up, that I was following the path to prison, I guess.

Here I am at three a.m. listening to everyone in the room scream that that was what it was gonna be for me forever.

I was about 16, 17, living at a residential treatment facility.

I found this packet during a meeting with me and my social worker.

I found out that my mom had left me with her boyfriend and that when I was only three that I was sexually assaulted and I had been diagnosed with an STD.

And I think for me that hurt a lot to know that I had gone through so much, so little.

- 1,772 children under the age of 18 died by suicide in our country.

38 of them were from Wisconsin.

The youth suicide rate hasn't been this high in decades.

This is the note I wrote.

Dear Mom, I love you so much.

I'm sorry for not being a good son.

I don't want to be sad any more.

See you in heaven.

Love you.

- When I thought of suicidal ideations, I was super scared.

I didn't get very far because the first thing I did was I told my mom and she was always there for me.

And I remember nights where I would lay in bed and she would actually lay on top of me so I couldn't get up and do anything to myself.

- I struggled with my place here.

And yeah, I have had attempts and I did leave a note once.

And I was put in the hospital and had IVs and everything.

And I remember looking at the nurse and I asked her am I gonna die and she just looked at me and she just kind of held my hand.

- Well I had lots of difficulties going on in my life.

I was homeless for about three years of my life and it was sad.

- [Rory] Can you talk about your seventh birthday party?

- My mom worked really hard to actually plan that birthday party and it was just devastating because nobody ended up coming.

And at that time, I was embarrassed and I didn't want my mom to have a loser son.

So it was at that point that I was done, I decided to write a suicide note.

So when my mom found the note, she was devastated.

- [Rory] Can you share the story that your mom told you about how she had struggled and overcame some of her own struggles?

- She was 25 weeks pregnant with me, actually, and she was embarrassed to become a teen parent.

And one day she was being bullied so bad that she decided to commit suicide.

She turned that negative into a positive thing.

She is truly a strong-willed person.

- I was one in four high school students in Wisconsin who said they were bullied at school in 2017, a rising statistic.

(uplifting music) I was in seventh grade when I first started experiencing bullying.

I knew I wasn't really accepted by the girls in middle school, and then freshman year I went to volleyball tryouts and a lot of the girls didn't like me, but I just dealt with it, played freshman year volleyball.

And then junior year, I went to tryouts and I got cut from the team.

And then they isolated me again.

Senior year, I went back to tryouts again and they cut me again and then they made a group chat about me after that.

There was about 60 texts.

Oh, she's such a slut.

She's so ugly.

Why is she such a ho?

I saw in a text one girl said she was gonna, I better not sit close enough to her tomorrow 'cause she was gonna beat me until I die.

One time, I went up to one of the girls and I quoted her text, something about oh, I'm such a slut, really, right, I'm such a slut.

And she was like no, why would you ever say that?

And I was like, oh, that's what you said last night.

And she said no, no, I didn't say that.

My parents took the screen shots to the school administration and I didn't end up killing myself because I knew that that would be me saying okay, you win.

And so I thought that if I give into them and I kill myself now I'm hurting my family, but I'm also telling them that they win and that this is okay for them to do.

(slow piano music) - Throughout my time, I've met different people that have been like my rock when I felt really low about myself or where I'm at in my life.

Have been able to kind of show me that I'm more than what I think I am, to kind of be able to push myself to be that person, sometimes even other kids that I live with.

And so I hope that we take different approaches towards kids that struggle with mental illness and depression and take a better look at what they're going through.

- I think it's really important for parents to be open and to talk to their kids a lot about the mental health.

And I know it's a very uncomfortable topic and a lot of people aren't okay with using the words suicide, and anxiety, and depression, and I think it's very important for the parents to be completely open and up front with their kids.

And I think for students to know that when someone comes up to you with an issue that they tell you that they feel anxious or you hear something, it's not wrong of you to tell them you can go to this person for help or you can reach out to the professionals.

But then at the same point, you can also help them yourself.

It's also important that you're very open and talking about any of your issues to somebody else even if it's just a close friend or anything like that.

I feel like any talking you do will really help you.

(family laughing) - [TJ] Watch your fingers.

Yeah, that'd be good footage.

- [Dad] Yeah.

(family laughing) - My mom was kind of struggling with the concept and trying to move past the idea of having two daughters, and we went to my therapist and she really helped my family kind of learn what the process was and move forward with it.

My family's pretty accepting.

- That's good.

- Come on, use those muscles.

- I don't want to go too fast.

It's gonna get thin.

The metaphor of the blue crayon wrapped in red paper was from a book that my mom had gotten me to help me explain to people who probably weren't getting it about my situation, and it was an easy way to explain to people what I've gone through.

- [Rory] How did the therapist help you?

- He said that don't listen to anybody that is bullying me because I'm smart and I'm beautiful in my own way.

It took some work for me to really believe those words because I was being told I'm ugly and stupid like every, single day.

I got my confidence from my parents because they're always so supportive of me.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- I'm good.

How are you?

- Good.

REDgen is a group that works to decrease the stigma around mental health in the Milwaukee area and I decided to start one at my school.

- This year, we're really trying to focus on, basically mental health awareness in the school and get the discussion rolling between staff, students, and especially parents at home.

- I thought that if you make this group that it's okay to have the mental health issues and struggles that you have, it's okay to be different, and so it allows you to speak out.

And so I know a lot of people have come up to me and said things such as I'm really struggling.

I know you've gotten through this, how do you help me?

And so in high school I just wanted to put a blanket statement out there and let people know that they're not alone in any of their struggles.

And so I posted a picture of a semicolon and said my story isn't over.

And so this is what I wrote.

I said: This is not a pity post.

I want to help others to know they're not alone.

It's so unfair that one human can make another human so sad and miserable.

It's so hard to walk down the halls alone.

God trust me, I know.

I do it every day, all day.

It's lonely, it's embarrassing, it's sad and unfair.

It's a situation for anyone to go through.

I don't get why people make others feel-- - When I first started going to high school, I knew that I was gonna have to kind of talk with my counselor, which I did, and she was very helpful.

We discussed the locker rooms and the bathrooms and I ended up using the nurse's bathroom for my bathroom and then I ended up, we decided on using the men's varsity locker room for me because everybody else was using the regular JV locker rooms.

I'm friends with a lot of the guys that were in my class and that are in my grade.

I don't think that they really thought anything of it.

I think they kind of knew that it was fine.

Otherwise, I think it got better throughout the semester and I would start conversations up the stairs or whatever and it just became a normal thing.

(slow music) - I'm on my own now and I have to do things for myself, which is great in itself, but then at the same time, I'm also on my own.

And so I've definitely had to deal with a lot of anxiety since I've been away.

My mental health challenges definitely have gotten better since I've been away at college.

Medication is one of the best things that I've actually started for my anxiety and depression.

I think that it doesn't change who I am.

It helps me control my anxiety to a normal level.

Volleyball has always been my escape.

Anywhere I can always, where can I put my shoes on, walk into the gym, I completely forget about everything else that's going on around me.

Being here is just a good, new start and the people are a lot more accepting, I guess, on my team, and it's just, it's almost like we're all grown ups here.

It's not any of the high school pettiness anymore.

- L-U, L-U, L-U-T-H, T-H, T-H, T-H-E-R, L-U-T-H-E-R, Luther, Luther, Luther!

- [Teammate] Go Luther!

- Go Luther!

- If you're feeling down, a hobby could really help you, make you cheer up, or bring you out of the darkness.

(uplifting music) I still deal with bullying at my school sometimes because people are saying oh, your bow ties are stupid.

And I don't listen to them.

My mom actually taught me how to sew when I was five years old, but by the time I turned nine, it was like a outlet for me.

Sewing was actually making me happy.

And I decided if this is making me happy, I can make other people around me happy, as well.

And that's what kind of sparked the idea for Build-A-Bow.

When I was creating bowties, my inner happiness was showing, and I was just lost in the fabrics and colors.

My favorite patterns are the ones that really stand out, like things that can be found in real life things.

Like a butterfly bowties.

Who in here knows what bullying is?

- [Child] That's how you be mean to a friend.

- Remember to treat everybody how you want to be treated because nobody deserves to be mistreated.

I also created a book called Bullies, Bowties, and Brilliant Alex, and the book was started to bring awareness to bullying and to inspire children to be themselves.

(uplifting music) (pencils clanking) - I started drawing when I was really young, actually.

Really, really young.

When I'm drawing, I consider it like a blackout from everything else I'm going through at the time.

It's just as like my moment to just like forget about all this stuff that is stressing me out or giving me anxiety.

And just, like, kind of just let the pencil go.

Feeling emotion on paper is pretty cool.

- I know that I'm really fortunate to have grown up in such like loving family and to have so much acceptance and support and be able to talk things through with my family.

I'm really grateful for that.

It means a lot to me.

It means that I've been able to transition pretty smoothly and I can always come home to a safe environment.

And I know a lot of people don't have that, and especially people in the trans community or in the LGBT community as a whole.

I know that a lot of people come home to kind of hostile environments just because of the way that they identify.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- So it means a lot to me to be able to come home and have fun with my family.

- My mental health is on a good path to recovery, being able to confront the things I've been through.

So today I think I'm working on being able to be an adult, like rehabilitate and have a job and be successful, all those things that I never had a chance to do in the system or growing up.

What I hope to do is continue sharing my story and keep being able to see the changes happening.

(uplifting music) I remember meeting Alex.

He was very nice, very genuine.

He made us all a sign that said be the change.

- I wanted to be kind, and these words are really, really meaningful.

- I keep it up just because I think Alex is a really cool guy and it reminds me of him and that first nice gesture that he kind of showed everyone.

- It's kind of what I live by every day.

I try to be a change in somebody's life.

A lot of what I work towards is changing the stigma around mental health and it helps me to know that I'm not alone in working for all this.

- It's something I aspire to be is the change, not only for myself in the future, but speaking out and helping others.

(uplifting music) Hi.

When someone looks at you with that look of what's wrong with you, that just would eat me alive.

- While being trans itself is not a mental illness, the way that society treats trans people can cause mental illness in the trans community to be higher.

- You don't get to show your feelings and be weak that often without people feeling like this is a chance for them maybe to see what you're about.

- To the world, we may be one person, but to one person, we may be the world.

Thank you.

(students applauding) - I just, I'm like, like amazed of the courage that you guys have to be where you are.

And I'm just kind of wondering, like, how long it took for you to get to that point from when you felt like you were kind of like at your worst point.

- It just started with me being able to tell a small group of people, and then that small group of people kept building and I kept telling more small groups of people and it made big groups of people and then eventually I just feel comfortable enough being able to talk to everybody.

- And I just kind of had to remember that everybody's learning along with me and it's not just about me, it's about everybody around me.

And so once you get to that point where you accept that, the only person thinking the way that you are about yourself is you, you can kind of move past that and kind of not get so worried about everybody else being so obsessed with the way that you are and it's mostly just you being obsessed with the way you are.

- When you hear other people's stories and you're not the only person going through it, it makes you feel different.

Because the same things you were going through, I was going through the same things, and I still am.

I have a hard time dealing with going to school every day because I get called ugly every day.

It's always the popular kid in your face or saying you're gay or you're ugly and it's not true.

But you don't know how not to believe it or how not to think it's true.

- I think it's really important that you being able to hear that you're not alone, whether or not, when you're talking to a group of people, you don't really know who's taking it in and what hits home for certain people, but I think it's really awesome that you are able to relate to what we're saying.

(uplifting music) - I thought it was really interesting how many of the kids came up to us after and said thank you, I really needed this.

It showed me that me opening up and being able to tell my story allows them to open up and tell their story.

- Don't give up on yourself.

Don't give up on yourself.

You're so much stronger than you know and there's always the future that you can make better or look for, look forward to.

Just don't let what you're going through with the people around you completely knock you down.

- [Barrett] You're not alone.

- We're here-- - To tell you-- - That you're not-- - Alone.

(uplifting music)